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The Definition of Personal Happiness - Nevaeh/Kaya

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Author Topic: The Definition of Personal Happiness - Nevaeh/Kaya  (Read 218 times)
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« on: January 18, 2019, 02:57:16 pm »

“Words can be the most dangerous weapon of all, for they have the direct power to attack the weakest parts of a person’s mind. For Nevaeh, an off-hand comment managed to hurt a new friend in ways that she was not expecting. She finds herself thrust into a new situation that wouldn’t exist in her prior existence as one of the most detested members of the Femme Fatale Wrestling roster.”



It was only a single statement, Kaya thought. It shouldn’t have done any damage. It could have slid right off her like every word that she heard from numerous sources about this injury and its effect on her career. So why exactly did it hurt to hear it from someone like Nevaeh? It wasn’t even a jab at her injury. It was something she didn’t mean to say but the cloud of depression that haunted Kaya’s every step did its part. The specter led its voice into her ear, sending words into her subconscious. Those seeds blossomed into the poisonous flowers that made Nevaeh’s words sting so badly. It turned a mere slip of the tongue in something vicious, cruel even.

The silence was her enemy. With Reagan at home, Kaya couldn’t summon up the want to call her. The classic strategy of the demon of her mind was to tell her that she was a disturbance. It resonated long enough that it became a fact that always lurked around corners. Her fingers struggled to type letters on the phone. When she drew it close to the small icon to start a call, it was like they were frozen solid by the coldest winter gust. It hurt to breathe and Kaya relinquished to the torment. She sat on her bed, her head rested against her knees that were brought up to her chest. Her phone laid in an indent nearby, having sunken enough to be comfortable.

Kaya turned the lights out during these moments. The radiance would bring headaches and that only brought more fuel to the fire. She had no tears to shed, probably expended after the initial decision to leave wrestling--retirement was a horrid word to her. Perhaps if it wasn’t at that time, it was during the tours in the dressing rooms where no one could hear or see her. She planned them out almost, making sure to do so before she put on any mascara. Black streaks down the face would bring forth questions or just criticisms about the KISS throwback.

But suddenly, her phone vibrated. It shocked her back into reality. Her vision darted around until she was able to figure out that it was her phone. When she looked down, it was who said that was going to call. Nevaeh Summers. She could hear the specter chuckling darkly. She said she wanted to talk, which translated roughly to a possibility of more pain and anguish. Kaya dreaded reaching for the phone. When she conquered that, she feared to see Nevaeh’s adorable face smiling back at her from the contact picture. All the fears were sighed out in remembrance of the fact that she said she would let Nevaeh speak to her.

“Here goes everything.”

She answered the call. For a moment there was silence on the line till Nevaeh eventually spoke up.

“Hey, Kaya, thanks for letting me call.”

While Nevaeh’s words were positive, her tone was clearly filled with a timidness. For Nevaeh, she had been feeling horrible about what she said. She didn’t want to crowd Kaya after last night. Nevaeh wanted to give Kaya her time. Nevaeh may off bend forced away from wrestling, but she had never sustained such a severe injury as Kaya had. She wasn’t sure how that felt to go through. It was clear that Nevaeh had caused Kaya pain, and for that, it bothered Nevaeh deeply.

Nevaeh had long taken a liking to Kaya. To Nevaeh, she seemed to have a free spirit to her. She was stepping into wrestling, while also handling a musical career. Nevaeh admired that, almost envied it. Here was a woman who had set her mind to accomplishing her goals and set out to do it. And she wasn’t going about it by hiring some scumbag to help her get ahead. Having shed herself of him and trying to change her life Nevaeh took notice of so many people doing amazing things, Kaya being one of them. There were people who were simply living life to the best of their abilities and not out to gain everything they could in vain.

Talking with her and getting to know her some showed Nevaeh that she was a fun person to hang around. To Nevaeh, she didn't know why Kaya looked at her so positively. It was still something Nevaeh couldn’t comprehend at times. She was rotten or was. Why were people giving her this chance was still a question she pondered to herself at times. Yet Kaya fully embraced her. And it was that that really had Nevaeh feeling down about what happened.

Nevaeh was nervous right now. A woman who has been wrestling for years, selling out arenas worldwide, was very nervous. This was a personal issue and as he had come to find out those needed to be handled delicately. Especially with a friend. Before Nevaeh got into anything she felt the need to state something to Kaya

“I need to say this right now. I want to apologize for last night. I never meant to have what I said to come off as if it was past tense. I didn’t...ugh.”

Nevaeh couldn’t figure out what to say, being a nervous mess could lead to such things. Nevaeh took a breath before starting back up, sounding contrite as she did.

“The last thing I wanted to do was cause you any sort of pain Kaya. That’s not what I was trying to do. I’m very sorry for that. I really, really am. I wish I could take it back, you don’t know how much I want to.”

“It’s...fine,” Kaya stressed, “it wasn’t your fault.”

Nevaeh Summers. An FFW Champion. A Hall of Famer. She was someone that made it to the top of the mountain and was etched in the tomes of FFW history. She may not ever see it because she re-established herself with a humbleness. The woman wasn’t seeking redemption but she was taking penance in every way. Never did she take compliments well, she was always supportive. Kaya couldn’t help but admire her general beauty too. She had a fragment of each category. Generally, Kaya saw her as adorable. But she couldn’t help but notice the other qualities she had. Nevaeh could be drop-dead gorgeous, hot as the sun, but she'll still carry that Georgia flavor in her mannerisms that Kaya couldn’t get in the cold Canadian north.

Kaya had a crush. Maybe that was why it hurt a little more. Amidst the sweet Georgian accent were the worry, concern, and regret that came as a backlash to her mistake. “You didn’t cause pain. I did. I should have taken a deep breath and understood what you meant.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, trailing off a bit. Kaya almost hung up the phone but something forced her to resist the urge. “I’m just overly sensitive. I guess it’s the rockstar part of me--or whatever.”

Confidence was lost in Kaya’s last statement. She couldn’t bring up the energy to hide the tonal shift. Instead, she drew back into her bed, as if it could snatch her away. Her fingers barely held the phone. Before long, they gave out and it fell to the mattress. Kaya, instead of picking it back up, put the phone on speaker and laid down next to the phone. The light burning of her eyes from the brightness of her phone screen but it didn’t bother her much.

Nevaeh had listened intently to what Kaya said and her tone truly had Nevaeh’s attention. Unaware of Kaya’s emotional state, Nevaeh was here to try and make things right. As she spoke back up Nevaeh did so in a soft tone of voice.

“I still caused it. I should have thought out what I was saying better. That’s on me and I’m sorry. I wanted to text you last night, but I was also not wanting to crowd you at the same time. I..I didn’t know what to do, but I felt so bad about it. Because I consider you a friend Kaya. I do and...that’s not something I’ve always been good at. But you’ve been really cool to me from the start and that meant a lot to me. And you’re other friend did hit me with some truth.”

Nevaeh was referencing Artemis Kaiser and their brief exchange. Nevaeh wasn’t pleased to see Artemis speak to her the way she did, but this wasn’t about her or Artemis. It was about Kaya. Nevaeh was trying to find the right words to approach the subject. It was a delicate issue, one that needed to be approached with the proper care.

“...I… I wish I knew...you are going through something that is very tough for anybody to deal with. That doesn’t make you overly sensitive. It makes you human. I want to keep a positive attitude towards it. But Artemis was right. A real friend does have that deep talk. And I want you to know Kaya that I’m here and I am more then willing to talk about this if you want to. I’m not gonna force you to talk about it if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do so. But I’m here if you want to. I will be here at any time of the day. I just want you to know that. I’m not somebody who just hits you up to talk about hanging out or joking around or send you a funny meme or something like that. I’m here as a friend. I’m here to talk to you about anything you need or want to. I want you to know that Kaya.”

There was a cracking of Nevaeh’s voice, her emotions getting to her at the moment. She was very much nervous right now trading on this issue. Nevaeh was worried at how Kaya might react. Was this something Kaya didn’t feel like addressing? Was Nevaeh overstepping her boundaries? So many questions ran through the Georgia woman’s mind as she waited on the line.

“It’s not your fault!”

Kaya realized she shouted, which was unfair to Nevaeh, but it might have been necessary. She felt a silence linger along with the gravity of her action. That amount of time was when her mind was fully able to process and try to come up with the proper words to respond to Nevaeh with. It was a curious notion to hear someone as important in the wrestling world and to her as Nevaeh speak the way she did to Kaya. Who was Kaya? A lowly girl like her being cared for by someone like her? It’s baffling. Yet, her words just kept digging underneath the wall until Kaya had to take a direct approach to the situation.

“Listen.”

Kaya gripped the blanket underneath her, her nails piercing through it. “You can stop feeling bad about it. This injury...this is just a wake-up call. I was wrestling before I came to FutureShock. If I wanted to, I could have just went to the main roster but--” the wandering thought of her best friend, her adoptive sister, Artemis came forward. Kaya wasn’t ignorant. She saw what Artemis said to Nevaeh. It was warranted but Artemis was the kind of woman who used everything to hurt people if she wanted to. “But...maybe it isn’t my thing.”

Pausing for another moment, something that she knew was going to happen a lot in her reply, Kaya took a sharp breath. “I have a doctor’s appointment soon. They’ll see if I’m able to come back to wrestling.”

When she thought about coming back to the ring in any capacity, she would instinctively reach for the back of her head. Upon touching, the sharp memory of when it happened would play out. A panic attack used to follow every time but some time had passed. She made some progress. “But I don’t know if I want to. I have another best friend, a sister--she’s much nicer than Arty,” Izzy would blush at the compliment.

“She hated the way that wrestling operated for different reasons but I think I finally got what she meant. The day that I found out about the injury, everything went from lively to grayscale like some silly movie,” she couldn’t help but chuckle at the imagery, “a lot of people go through these injuries. A lot of people are put through worse. By horrible people.”

Artemis came back to mind.

“So what happens if I get injured again? What happens if someone injures me? I’ve heard of people dying in the ring. I don’t want that for myself.”

Nevaeh could hear in Kaya’s voice how concerned she was about all of this. It made Nevaeh really think it more through. Nevaeh had been in bad spots, but to be injured was a different animal to contend with. Nevaeh had heard about the doubts people had coming back from their injuries. In this line of work, there was a lot of danger involved, especially going against people who held such bitter feelings and only cared about their own prosperity. Kaya certainly was aware of that. Nevaeh took in what Kaya was saying, what she was feeling, and simply tried her best to be honest with her.

“You have every right to feel this way. I can’t sit here and tell you how to feel. I haven’t been in that position. It’s your body, it’s your life. It is so stupid of me to tell you couldn’t suffer another injury. All of us are at risk and as you point out there are people who ain’t wrestling to just be good, but for other means.”

Nevaeh had disappointed tone in her voice now as she said: “I would know…”

Nevaeh let that statement trail off as she thought back to her previous actions. A burden that she had to live with. But Nevaeh spoke back up with a soft tone.

“I’m not gonna sit here and tell you all will be well. That’s not right. If you feel this isn’t something you want to keep pursuing then I’ll support you on that Kaya. Now when you go to this doctor’s appointment and there’s positive news you shouldn’t feel obligated to wrestle either. No, again you do what you want. All I’m gonna say is if the doctor’s news is positive, then don’t close the door on it fully at that point. If the news is good then the option to wrestle, if you want to, is there. You should only get back in the ring if you feel it’s where you want to be Kaya. No other reason than that.”

“You continue your recovery. Get yourself feeling better first and foremost. That’s what’s most important. Wrestling can be to the side for now or on the shelf permanently. I don’t want you to feel pressure to get back in there, that’s my fault. You’ll know it’s there if you really want to do it. But if you feel that’s it something you’re not wanting to do then don’t feel any sort of obligation to do it. You do what you feel happy doing. Cause at the end of the day that’s all that matters here. Your happiness is all that matters, Kaya.”

Nevaeh wanted to stress that last part as she took a pause herself. Nevaeh really knew how important it was to be happy doing and living how you wanted to. Being entrapped in the situation she caused was an experience she didn’t wish on anybody. Not even people who caused her such grief. Nevaeh wanted those she cared for to be better off than she was. It’s a mindset she had really developed when her friends were so loyal to her while trying to help her out. That really made Nevaeh realize how important friendship was. Nevaeh didn’t care about it properly when she was younger, it was shown this past year when her secrets were revealed and how much pain she caused. Nevaeh had come to understand how vital it was to be a true, genuine friend and to have them. It’s why she took this so hard, why she was here right now, and what she wanted to get clear across to Kaya.

“Whatever it is that makes you happy Kaya I got your back on. If you want to focus solely on your music than great. I’m gonna be rooting you on. If you hear this news and it makes you want to do some exercising I’ll be here too. Or if you’re thinking of dabbling in something else then I’d like to hear about it. Whatever you want I’ll be here to talk about whatever is on your mind. Call, text, I’ll be here. If you think wrestling, if the news is good, is something you may want to try I’ll be here for that as well. But by no means don’t feel pressured to do that. This is about doing what you feel is best for you. Nothing else Kaya.”

Kaya couldn’t respond. She had no way to. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear but that’s it was what it was. Nevaeh was trying her best, but she couldn’t possibly fully understand. As Kaya rubbed the back of her neck, she looked on at her phone’s wallpaper. It was a picture of her, Artemis, and Izzy, representative of their past together. Her frowned intensified and she let out a sigh.

“Then what if I don’t know what makes me happy?”

It came out more aggressively than she intended but she guessed it was the subconscious tone that took over there. “What if music is just something to do? What if wrestling was just a dream that turned into a nightmare? There’s no pressure. It’s vastly different than that but I don’t...I don’t expect you to get that. At least not yet.”

Kaya held onto any tears that were trying to rush to the surface, instead, she managed to mute them with her words. Even they bore the resonance of grief and stress. “I’m sorry,” Kaya barely choked out before she abruptly ended the call. She looked at the phone’s screen with a wide-eyed expression. Her finger moved on its own, hitting that end call button. As she sat there in the cold silence and darkness, she merely locked her phone screen, killing the last bit of light in the room. She buried her head against her fabric covered knees. No tears came but she felt tired.

Nevaeh was trying her best, she knew, but it wasn’t what she needed. It wasn’t what she wanted. She couldn’t explain it. Not now. A text message lit her screen but she turned it over. It was probably Reagan or Nevaeh. She couldn’t deal with people right now. It was the need to mull over her own thoughts, challenging them as much as possible.

Nevaeh, on the opposite end of the line, was sitting on her couch, looking at her phone in shock of the call being ended. Nevaeh did go about sending a text to Kaya, it reading: “If you want to talk I’m here.”

Nevaeh now slumped as she put the phone down next to her and rubbed her face with her hands, before sighing and just staring up at the ceiling. This was not how things were supposed to go. It was all fun until she had to word that damn tweet the wrong way. Nevaeh didn’t want to upset Kaya. Certainly not like this. Nevaeh thought it was best to just give Kaya her space for now. Maybe try texting her tomorrow if she didn’t respond. Nevaeh didn’t know, this wasn’t something she was used to dealing with. Usually, she was the one who needed to be sought out, the one who didn’t want to talk to people if things were hectic.

Now Nevaeh was here and she couldn’t fix how Kaya was feeling. She wanted to, but it wasn’t gonna be that easy. Nevaeh just kept staring up at the ceiling and thinking over their conversation. Could she of done something different? Was she not caring enough? Did Nevaeh not understand anything at all what Kaya was going through? But above all else, Nevaeh kept replaying in her head the question Kaya posed to her.

“Then what if I don’t know what makes me happy?”
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